This Is How I End Up Here...

Hello, my name is Lau Yong Xin, but you can call me Jessica. I am a 01' baby, okay, 18 years old to ease you from counting. How and where can I start this? I don't know.... When i was 3 going on to 4, my beloved mother sent me to somewhere I called as my second home, a dance studio just right opposite my kindergarten. Every week I'll wear on my cute little pink tutu and have my two piggy tail up, skip my way across the dance floor. Back then I didn't know much what love is, all I know I have butterflies in my belly every time I reach the studio, standing outside of the classroom, peeking on the bigger girls dancing on their point shoes. That went on, every week, every year.... Eventually, I reached middle school. My middle school was famous because of how amazing our athlete is, my senior back from 20 years 30 years was all round champions and was all in ''the hall of flame''. I joined the team because I have long legs, people always expect the people who has long legs to run faster but obviously that wasn't true at all. I joined the team and was trained as 400m runner, hurdler and a jumper (I couldn't find a picture of me doing hurdles :( ).

 4x100m 

 Triple Jump

Long Jump

 To be honest though, the routines were hard, but since young I've always like challenges, therefore I didn't give up, to prove to my coach I am "useful". Now this is where it starts to go bad. One day while I was training for hurdles, I landed on my back, it wasn't like I fell, but when I landed on one leg after the jump, my body leaned back, and my body weight was shifted to my lower back. I didn't thought about it, just went on and did corrections on my landing and that's it. Didn't thought much of it. After that day, I started to have back aches, thought my muscles was just over worked, but still continue training anyways because, if we ever skipped a training, our coach will question us a lot, plus I want to improve, pain is just a distraction for me. I went on for a year and transferred to a private school. Not to mention, the pain gets even worst, but I did not went for any therapy because I didn't want to waste my mother's money. A little background story: My parent divorced when I was 12 before UPSR so I was moving houses to houses.

I developed something no Asian parent or adults would "care" and think we were just overacting to stuff, depression, my little best friend :).  Going back to the topic, I transferred school and quit athlete but still was dancing. I start to take coaching and intensive training because I was asked to compete as my teacher sees potential in me, and not to say I was crazy flexible back then.

2015- my first ballet competition as Cinderella 

Top 10 out of 70, my first achievement.

Went to Hong Kong for classes with Mrs Wu. First time flying overseas for dance.

 So everyday after school, I will go training for 3-4 hours, some days are lesser, it depends. Fast forward to year 9, while I was helping a teacher to carry her books and chit-chatting outside the classroom with my other friends, I fell to the ground, unable to feel my legs. It was funny instead of scary, because I thought my legs were just sore and weak, lol. Did not gave any thoughts about it, until when my back hurts to the extend when I can't bend down for 90 degrees and couldn't tie my own point shoes during training, and my competition was really near at that time, so me being me, i bare and went on stage. 

2016- my second competition as bridesmaid from Don Quixote 

After the competition, I told my mom I needed a doctor, or else I don't think I can stand up anymore. So she brought me to a chiropractor, and x-rays and a MRI because the doctor couldn't see my problem from the x-ray lol. To summarize my hernia disc at my spine was tightly compressed, my spine was almost 90 degree bend out and my pelvis was all twisted. I am no doctor so i can't explain it but I will show you a picture of it.

My x-ray scan from 2017, I lost the old one from 2016

 The doctor suggested me to go for surgery because that is the easy way out, but the chances of coming out walking was 50%. I NEED DANCE! So it was a huge NO for that. I was asked to stop dance for a few months to recover. And I did. Along the way, depression was all I have, she was really clingy and annoying. Without dance I went into my deepest darkest time. ( but don't worry, I had some help along the way ;)) Dance has always been there for me, it wasn't like I want it, it was more like i need it. Dance isn't a hobby for me at all, it is my soul. Going back to dance wasn't easy at all, I was totally out of shape, sometimes I look down on myself but still push myself towards it. 

 That is my partner in crime since young

Trying to smile my way through the combinations ;)

To get myself back to shape, I tried many methods to slim down and slowly anorexia came in. Because I was self conscious, looking into the mirror  judging myself was my daily routine. But it only lasted for 3 months. 2 years had past, I continue to go for therapy, tried new doctors for a better treatments and yet I'm still dancing and competing nationally & internationally.

A clip of my competition secretly taken by my boyfriend, it was his first time watching ballet, he didn't know about the rules.

A clip of me practising for my contemporary solo at KongsiKL.

 

2018- TDS Competition as peasant from Giselle

New friendships were made during the process 

Won 4th place & received an encouragement award to watch Sleeping Beauty at Singapore 

 Performing as one of the fairies from Sleeping Beauty 

2018- Taiwan International Grand Prix 

The girl with tutu on my left is Rebecca Alexander, 12 years old, who is the first Indonesian to be invited to YAGP FINALS NYC 2018 and won the whole competition. She Is very humble and gifted, yet she doesn't take it for granted, she thrives and work very hard to get to where she is right now. She is an inspiration. I am very blessed to be able to meet her, get to know her and treat her as my little sister. Love you Becca <3

 This is Ting Ting, she's from Thailand. We met few years back and will only see each other at competitions. I will always get excited when I see her.

 These both amazing dancers I met at the competitions are from Taiwan. They are very friendly and we click on pretty quickly. I miss them a lot. 

Here is a clip of my contemporary piece at Taiwan. 

 16 year old me went to Ohio, USA from a summer intensive and also went from two auditions at Chicago. I was actually accepted to Joffrey Ballet School and A&A Ballet.

 Columbus City Ballet School students also known as friends, I miss them too.

Mrs Shir Lee Wu, the founder of Columbus City Ballet School & was the judge for MIBGP 2017, I danced as Gamzatti from La Bayadere.

 It was a dream come true but my teacher had financial problem so I was drag down (my mother wasn't really educated and only studied Chinese, without my teacher's guidance it will be dangerous for me to go there alone). The plan was cancelled and I completed my year 11 at 2018. This is where everyone starts to choose their paths, where they want tot be in another 10 years. I wanted to be a professional dancer since I was young. For those who are from an Asian family, they will know, the adults will think it's a ridiculous dream, I won't be able to support myself in the future with the amount of salary we were paid and not to mention about my back injuries.... Later on I chose a university, DKU at Seoul, Korean, to pursue my dream. I went for Korean language intensive classes for 3 months and at the same time learning to do makeup professionally because I am good at it and it was my backup if anything happens to me.

Korean Language classmates <3 chinggu

 A makeup inspired by NikkiTutorials ( a famous MUA/ Youtuber)

Makeup created by myself, its actually a video I filmed and posted it on Instagram.

 But now I end up here typing this. Why you'll be asking, I mean I was almost there right? My IGCSE results were out, it was better than what my mom would've expected, and so she convinced me to choose something else to do as a profession rather than dance. So I did... since when I was young I like to help people who is in need, and plus I learnt about a little anatomy while I dance, therefore I have chose Chiropractic. 

Me in action after a 200m race, a close friend of mine has her calf muscles cramped. 

You might be asking, what about dance? Don't you want to do that since its so important to you. Yes I will keep on dancing till the day I die, choosing this profession is also beneficial to my bank account so that I will be able to support MYSLEF to dance. Dance will always be my soul, it is something special that not everyone would understands. Dance is not just a D-A-N-C-E, moving around with music that simple. It can communicates with others without any conversations, the movements are alive, a soul of a music. It can brings people together, closer and make each other to accept things that we thought we won't.

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it :)